06 Jul When in Doubt, Touch
Touch is all-important for tantric relating. Tantrikas practice reminding ourselves that we live in bodies not just heads, and that we want to relate to our beloved from an embodied awareness, not just from our minds analyzing everything. A mind on full-bore analysis mode can destroy even the best relationship. Nonverbal communication and touch speak louder than words.
It’s true that we need to make agreements to talk about everything and continue the conversation until it’s done. Yet sometimes you get stuck and the discussion is spiraling downward, and you don’t know how to make it stop. At these times it’s good to take a time-out and return later to finish. It’s also good for your bodies to connect for a few moments, placing a hand on the other’s knee or arm as a way to communicate wordlessly, “I care for you. I know we’re having trouble right now, but I want to work this out.”
Your bodies will remember your connection even if you don’t. For a moment, you won’t be lost in your head arguing, coming up with points to make your case. When you settle down into your body and reconnect in a friendly, loving way, your anxiety will lessen and your breath will slow down. Just put your hand on their shoulder or their arm, and simply reconnect. This will help the conversation veer away from two egos fighting to “Hey, we’re a couple. We’re going through this together. Let’s breathe and let our bodies communicate.” A simple gesture like this can often help guide the two of you out of the most difficult situations.
There’s a great book called How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It by Dr. Patricia Love. I once saw her speak, and she’s quite charismatic and dynamic. The book isn’t really essential reading, but it does offer actual scientific studies that show that sometimes if you’re in a difficult place in your relationship if you will just reach out and reconnect with the other person through touch, the conversation will become easier. This is quite profound and useful information.
Bodies are often smarter than we are. When you get in a stuck space with your beloved, touch. When you want to express affection, touch. When you want to offer support, congratulations, or difficult news, connect through gentle physical contact. Whenever you’re in doubt about what to do, share your love through the gift of your touch.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Relating: Relationship Advice to Find and Keep Sex, Love and Romance. This book is the third title in the Tantric Mastery Series. Check it out!
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