Justin is a creative person struggling with the evidence that his life is not working. He has no regular source of income, no girlfriend, and nothing to show for his years in LA. He has so many talents he can’t figure out his direction so he keeps starting over, creating plenty of drama. When I suggest that he may need to get a regular job to stabilize his life, his response is
You’ve seen the Dos Equis commercials portraying the idyllic life: leisurely lounging by the ocean, taking it easy with only a bathing suit and flip flops between you and the summer breeze. No work, no problems – the recipe for bliss.Except in real life, it doesn’t work that way. Most people who have a chance to live out this fantasy are surprised that it turns out to be a nightmare. After the first few hours, or days, they find themselves bored out of their skulls.That’s because human beings are 
Most mornings, I go to the gym. I say “hi” to Casey at the front desk and several of the other regulars who work out at the same time. We complete our routines with as little thought as possible, doing what needs to be done in order to stay in shape, and hopefully getting strong and toned in the process.On most days, you’ll see a newbie
“You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.” Justin is saying this as his explanation for why he’s still single. It’s an adage we’ve all heard a zillion times, haven’t we? I used to blindly believe it myself -- I’d heard it over and over and read it in self-help books, so it must be true.It’s considered so absolutely right, it’s not even questioned. I hear it frequently quoted by my patients and friends. But think it through with me:Many people out there in long-term relationships don’t particularly love themselves, and didn’t love themselves before they got paired up either. They didn’t wait until
The self-improvement business is booming. Videos, books, classes, teleseminars, newsletters, gyms, get-away weekends: the opportunities to improve yourself are endless. Whether it’s diet, fitness, attractiveness, ability to make money, relationships, or sexual skills, there is a myriad of offerings at all price points.People are caught up in the self-improvement business, but nobody seems to ask
Give up your therapist? Not quite yet. But some exciting new trends in self help can be easily accessed right from your phone.Most mobile phone apps are intended as an adjunct to therapy rather than a replacement for it. Patients can learn to relax themselves, monitor their moods, and attend 12-step meetings. Even the Veteran Affairs National Center has developed an app for
There are many reasons we practice meditation. One of the most widely touted is its ability to help us manage stress and feel relaxed. This is all well and good; however, I think the most important benefit is that it teaches us to break our identification with our minds. We watch; we breathe; we observe our thoughts float by like clouds. When a particular thought captures our attention,
Back in the 90s, I studied with Robert Kiyosaki, the multimillionaire author of the Rich Dad series of financial advice books. He was “only” worth four million at the time, years before he became much richer and world famous. Robert taught us that the number one thing he attributed his success to was tithing, the practice of giving away ten percent of your money. Even when his business tanked
Today we are blessed with a plethora of contemporary women spiritual teachers: Marianne Williamson, Pema Chodron, Gangaji, Gurumayi, Ammachi, Sylvia Boorstein and her many Buddhist colleagues. Accredited graduate programs in Women’s Spirituality have opened, and
Annie hadn’t known it could get this good. Over the weekend, she’d surrendered to the love flowing for herself and everyone else. The workshop had provided a safe environment for participants to let down their guards, their judgments and insecurities and simply be as they are. Annie allowed herself to