20 Oct Building and Maintaining Your Soulmate Status
“… and they lived happily ever after.” That little phrase from our favorite fairy tale set us up for disappointment when our relationships didn’t glide on magically without effort on our parts. It’s not exactly like that, is it? Instead, when we hear it’s going to take work to maintain our relationships, that sounds like it’s going to be difficult and treacherous. It may be if that’s how you set it up, or it can be fun, sexy, and delightful.
First off, it’s going to take maintaining the state you were in to be able to attract this person, the level of frequency that you were at to be able to get such a great partner. That means maintaining your physical health, your vitality, and your emotional stability so that you’re not going off the handle about every little thing. It means staying interested in life, being invested in something greater than yourself like your career or your volunteer work. You must have passion for life to have a great relationship.
Secondly, it takes using and expanding your communication skills. This is so essential that the third book in the series, Tantric Relating, will go into it deeply, but for now, let’s just say that every little challenge that comes up that gets swept under the carpet and not discussed will show up in the bedroom. Anything not talked about shows up as “I’m not in the mood” or resentment against our partner. This leads to the conventional wisdom that it’s inevitable that sex will decrease after the first two years together. But it is possible for you to keep a really exciting sex life, and that’s going to take attention as it doesn’t just happen by itself.
Thirdly, we need to make time. Our lives are so busy, and if we don’t prioritize intimate relations, they won’t happen. If we’d rather just watch movies in the evening because it’s easier, that’s what our relationship will turn into. It’s not a bad choice if that’s what you want. But if your desire is for a soulmate relationship where there’s intimate, great, evolving sexuality, then that’s going to require dedicated time.
Fourth, it’s important to set goals for your relationship. What you want to do together? What are your priorities? Travel, or would you rather fix up the backyard? What are you up to as a couple?
Every year, I make my personal goals, and then with Greg make goals for our relationship. Last year we took up Qigong and trained for a half marathon. What do you want to do this year? Is there something you want to study together?
So again, there are the two aspects: your own personal growth and your growth as a couple. What am you doing to maintain your half of the couple? And what are you doing together to maintain and grow that? It is a project, if you want to look at it that way, a project of creating the soulmate relationship you’ve always dreamed of. Everyone’s dreaming of it, but guess what? You made it happen.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Mating: Using Tantric Secrets to Create a Relationship Full of Sex, Love and Romance. Tantric Mating is a companion to her previous book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process named by BookAuthority as one of the Best Dating Books of All Time.
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