13 Dec Solitude and Silence
Erickson opened this class by talking about the “rare and precious” quality of silence and solitude, which I would certainly agree with and add that for some of us it is so precious we make and have made time for it daily. Our lives are full of seductive calls for distraction, and it takes effort and intention to not succumb to the beckoning. I was intrigued by his statement that silence consist on a spectrum, there are many layers. That’s lovely to think about. Even when it is quiet there is usually something faint to listen to.
After my experience with the last threshold’s opening my awareness to the deep humanity of people with autism, it was eye-opening (and heart-opening) to read Hill et al. (2019) on the proposed spirituality going on in the autistic silence, much like traditional mystical disciplines taught silence and solitude. The study also talked about the image of god manifesting in certain elements of humanness such as relationality and love.
John Cage’s performance of silence (Gittleman, 2017) as a musical piece must have been quite provocative in its day. A meditation teacher once taught us to listen to the silence between the words, and to observe the white space between the letters in a piece of writing. So certainly in music it is thus, the silence between the notes or beats.
Davis (n.d.) wrote about wilderness rites of passage, and it was great to read this alongside Erickson’s personal sharing of his experience. I loved the idea of leaving the natural world, crossing a threshold, then returning with a gift and a task. This is the hero’s journey, which is taught to novelists and screenwriters as the spine of great fiction. Davis writes that this process can facilitate ego-transcendence and opening to spirit. The wilderness experience is conducted with a ritual or ceremonial attitude, and sometimes resembles shamanic experiences.
The ecological writings were similarly impactful. MacKendrick (2016) wrote about “the fleshiness of voice” which “delights singer and intrigues poets, but for a long time now, has repelled philosophers.” This is part of transpersonal psychology, that those of us attracted to it are not “repelled” by the “fleshiness of voice” but are lured by it. We hear its call and follow. MacKendrick also helpfully pointed out that “all language carries an echo or prayer.”
Ealom, also part of the Diverse Bodies (2018) anthology, writes about “I only know things if my body knows them.” This reminds me of the session I had once with a body worker who asked me at the beginning of the session how I was doing, and I answered,” Fine, but my back hurts.” He said, “How can you be fine if your back hurts?” What he said is still instructive for me today: How can we be “fine” if our body is not?
Ealom teaches about a practice of listening, and of taking the time and patience to allow for natural healing to occur. That when we slow down, attend to, and surrender to the process, something will always change.
For my project for this threshold, I took a half a day off from my what seems at times overwhelming school schedule, and spent time in solitude and silence with activities and rest that fed the non-scholarly parts of myself. I closed the door with art books and books by artists, poetry, tarot cards, my journal, water and snacks and felt thoroughly fed by the process. Throughout the course I had felt nourished by making time for the non-rational, and yet, it always feels like I am cheating, getting away with something, or wasting time, as I, like most other people, are brainwashed by the conventional culture to feel we must be productive at all times. I like being productive. I don’t plan on giving that up. But I do notice during this semester that balancing these states could actually enhance the productivity. I have so many projects going at one time, and the ones that serve my artistic, poetic side are always last on the priority list. However, I do feel the lack of this balance acutely. It seems that even a year into doctoral work I have not learned how not to be in a panic with the deadlines. Being self-employed, I have not had to abide by anyone else’s deadlines for quite some time, so it is a stretch.
© 2023 Catherine Auman
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