02 Feb To Tell the Truth, or To Not: That Is the Question
We’re taught from an early age not to speak our truth. We’ll get in trouble if we do, or we’ll be spanked, shamed, or isolated. We learn to sit quietly and behave. Of course, it’s good not to let children run around screaming in restaurants or tell Uncle Joe that he smells funny, so part of this shaping of personalities is learning how to co-exist with other people. However, the brainwashing has begun: it’s not safe to speak your truth.
Girls are socialized to not offer our opinions in class, not appear too smart, and to always act in a pleasing manner. Boys are brainwashed to never feel or express feelings, including not crying, and to appear as though they don’t give a damn. Of course, if you don’t identify as strictly male or female you are SOL. People of color are expected to adopt the dominant worldview without complaint, and old people, well, old people should just shut up and fade away.
In the workplace, even though many bosses state they want an open environment where people can speak freely, only the most naïve would take them at their word. The modern dating market is rife with “expert” advice on how to tangle one’s words around to manipulate others into desiring us. Most of us have no idea how much we’ve been hypnotized to accept the mainstream’s version of us as ourselves, or how to find or locate our personal truth.
It’s good that we learn how to conform and not share too much of our personal selves in the social and work spheres. If we want to be successful, these are necessary skills. However, in intimate partnerships, the opposite is true. The problem is that people get into love relationships with no understanding that speaking their own truth and being open to the truth of their partner(s) is what creates intimacy and connection.
With all this training to NOT to tell the truth about ourselves, how are we supposed to suddenly BE our true selves in relationships?
Humming along underneath all this socialization and programming of how to be successful in the world is the heartbeat of tantra. Tantra teaches us that everything is perfect in the present moment, therefore, whatever is your or your partner’s personal truth is part of that perfection, even if it is difficult. You would want to express your truth, and you would want your partner to express their truth. in tantra, everything is divine. So every feeling that you have and that you share with our partner would be divine as well.
When you enter in a relationship inspired by tantric principles, you and your partner with be encouraged to share your complete and honest truth with each other. You’ll see: it makes for great sex and intimacy.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Relating: Relationship Advice to Find and Keep Sex, Love and Romance. This book is the third title in the Tantric Mastery Series. Check it out!
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