08 Oct It’s Not Supposed to Last
The allure of a permanent state of happiness – imagining the possibility is an essential part of being human. We dream that if we do the right things or have it all, we’ll achieve the pain-free, permanently happy life that we imagine celebrities or the super rich have. Advertising promotes the fantasy that happiness can be purchased as possessions, leisure, status, and lifestyle, all of which may contribute to happiness, certainly, but there are no guarantees.
Notice that as soon as you download a new song from iTunes, you’re tired of it. The dessert you carefully chose from the menu never tastes as good as you’d hoped, and when you try to repeat a pleasure that at one time made you ecstatic, it’s always disappointing. Our frustration prompts us to try to repeat an experience that one time brought us pleasure, as we become dulled against the truth that it can’t be done. We try to shift our moods by taking a pill, drinking alcohol, binging on food, or watching some porn, all activities famous for facilitating momentary happiness, but in the long run they create deep rooted and difficult-to-eradicate addictions.
Many of my patients express that, “all I want is to be happy,” by which they mean constantly positive and joyful, never negative, sad, depressed, or feeling angry or grief-stricken. Some people have even gotten to the point that if they aren’t happy all the time, they blame themselves and believe there’s something wrong with them. This frustration comes from a misunderstanding regarding the nature of happiness – it’s not supposed to last.
It’s not supposed to last so you will go on searching for something that does last. You are supposed to be continually frustrated in your search. The fact that happiness is transient is necessary to lead you to that which will make you truly fulfilled, rather than momentarily elated. True happiness cannot be found in that which is impermanent.
Certainly, there are many things you can do and ways to live your life that will make you happier, such as manage your finances, get enough exercise, and live according to your moral code. But no matter what you do, a permanent state of happiness will elude you until you find it in something other that which doesn’t last. It is possible to develop a sense of happiness about whatever is happening, a sense of celebrating all the flavors of life: sadness, lack, boredom, and even the fact that happiness is not supposed to last.
© 2014 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Shortcuts to Mindfulness: 100 Ways to Personal and Spiritual Growth
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