25 Aug Orgasm Is Not What You Think
Orgasm is not what you think. We’ve been brainwashed by the conventional culture to believe that orgasm is something it’s not. This indoctrination is so pervasive we don’t even question the notion that orgasm is the goal of sex. It’s part of what it is, but it’s not the whole understanding.
We’ve been taught that the point of sexual play with another being is to stimulate each other with increasing intensity to the point of orgasm. Conventional sex goes like this: foreplay, she comes, he comes, it’s over. For non-hetero couples, negotiation is required, but the blueprint remains the same. This is, of course, better than historical sex where the female’s pleasure was disregarded, but this pattern we’re supposed to perform gets very boring. We’ve even been provided with bar graphs to show us how our arousal should go up, up, up, and then fall off, as if this is optimal.
In this type of sex, every movement is geared toward the eventual orgasm. Everything is leading up to it with tension and strain. The more intense it is, the better. Women are expected to come every time like men do, and if they don’t, everyone is grumpy. The idea is that orgasm is something to strive for, that it takes effort, and we often find ourselves disappointed, again. It becomes a performance marker for how good the sex is.
This style of sex has been the mainstream model since the 70s when it was deified by Masters & Johnson. Yes, there have always been people who enjoyed this type of sex, but it was not always considered the end-all and be-all. Masters & Johnson began studying arousal in laboratories, measuring it, and so forth. Thus began the conventional codification of love-making – that it should look like this, act like that, and take this particular path to completion. I don’t think laboratory sex knows anything about the essence of sex, and this research has created a complete misunderstanding of sexuality.
Something more profound has been going on since the beginning of time — what we call tantra. Let me share with you how I discovered this. Soon after I arrived in India at the tantra ashram where I was to live for a year, I was lying relaxing on my bed. My breath began to deepen and circle in a loop from my nostrils to my tailbone with no beginning or end. Without any intention, a part of me surrendered, and the breathing started happening by itself. Orgasmic waves rushed through my body … pulsating — it was so enjoyable.
Days later I went to an event called Energy Darshan. Music was playing, and everyone was dancing vigorously. All of a sudden, completely unexpectedly, an energy shot up my spine and my vagina began contracting. I realized, oh my God, I’m having an orgasm! How could this be? I was having an energy orgasm just from dancing, not from a partner or from touching myself.
Over the course of that year, there were several times when unexpected orgasms would bless me. In Tantric Dating I recounted an incident at the Burning Ghats when out of the blue, an orgasm rushed up my spine, and I felt overwhelming joy. I had hitched a ride on the orgasm wave.
What orgasm actually is is a pulsating frequency that is always going in the universe, buzzing and humming underneath everything. It is a level of bliss that never stops. When we do the conventional kind of sex where we struggle, get to the orgasm, and poof and it’s gone, we have come up and met this frequency briefly.
When we choose not to have conventional sex and instead practice tantra, we can learn to catch a ride on the orgasmic wave, and then it doesn’t stop. It can last for minutes or hours or days. It depends on our level of development, our relaxation, and our capacity for bliss. It’s possible to lift our own frequency by the practice of tantric exercises, certain ways of making love, particular ways of breathing, and then we can surf along this vibrating frequency. We catch it. We ride it. We know if we let go we can always catch a wave again.
This is what orgasm is. This knowledge has been held from you by people who don’t have a clue. I want you to experience this level of orgasm because once you do, you will want it in your life — there’s no doubt about that.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Mating: Using Tantric Secrets to Create a Relationship Full of Sex, Love and Romance. Tantric Mating is a companion to her previous book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process named by BookAuthority as one of the Best Dating Books of All Time.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.