Tonglen is a Tibetan Buddhist practice for developing compassion by giving and receiving. The purpose is to reduce selfishness, purify karma, and to develop and expand loving kindness. The Dalai Lama is said to practice tonglen daily, and Pema Chodren has written and talked about it.Start by sitting or lying quietly, and begin to observe the breath. On the next What we are advocating is taking a look at how the conventional view of love actually destroys love, and then making the efforts necessary to turn ourselves into lovers, that is, truly loving people. Making a decision to go against the conventional worldview of daters as consumers deciding which shiny new object to purchase. Choosing against being people whose minds instead of hearts run the show, analyzing who is or is not worthy of love based on a set of Romantic love, as we were saying, as invented by the Troubadours, is a spiritual longing for what cannot be had here on the earth plane. The object of romantic love is not really a human being, it’s an idealized image, perhaps a fragmented memory belonging to a person we once knew. Romantic love actually prefers to be unrequited, causing a desire for someone you can’t have so bad you want to tear your heart out. You elevate the other onto a pedestal above The question comes up: “How do I open more to love?” If I’m working on myself to become a more loving person, and seeking increased emotional and sexual pleasure, how do I go about it?I would offer you a beautiful, mind-blowing perspective from one of my teachers, Radha Luglio, who has a large tantra practice in Italy. When asked this question she answered: it's not a question of how do I open more, it’s a question of where am I I read a fascinating book in college called Love in the Western World that said that romantic love was invented in the 1200s by the Troubadours. You remember the Troubadours, wearing those sexy little puff pants, walking around playing lutes, singing about their Lady love. They'd elevate a woman onto a pedestal and long ceaselessly for her; the whole point of chivalrous love being that it was never consummated. It was a sexist day and age, so it was all about a man adoring a woman, and the point was to idealize the beloved but never come down to earth for love’s For many people the biggest barrier to finding a partner is the appearance of the other person. It's hard to be in this culture and not be brainwashed that only certain people are attractive. In the mainstream mindset, only conventionally good-looking people get to be considered sexually appealing and therefore worthy of love.I was lucky enough to have this pseudo-reality shattered in tantra In the dating world, most everyone nods their heads and agrees when people say that what they’re looking for is “chemistry.” Other similar phrases you’ll hear are “using their intuition” and “trusting their gut.” These are often the same people who believe they can tell within 5 seconds whether or not someone is worthy When we explain that the reason we don’t have love in our lives is that we can’t find the right person, or that other people are flawed or wrong in some way, it's putting the blame outside ourselves for why we don't have love, versus I'm not living in love because It’s all up to me if I love you or not; it's not up to you. It actually has nothing to do with you whatsoever. It has everything to do with whether my heart's open to love or not. So when I'm sitting across from you at a coffee date and we're meeting for the first time or the tenth time, it's not about whatever characteristics and Sophisticated conventional daters will sooner or later come across the mindset that “dating is a series of rejections” and that to be successful dater, it’s about getting okay with the inevitable. One aphorism you’ll hear is “if you want to get more comfortable with rejection, go out and get rejected five times,” -- the idea being that you will learn to stop taking it so