27 Oct A Perpetual Honeymoon
Consider for a moment the word “honeymoon.” You will discover a subtle brainwashing that the beginning of a relationship is romantic and blissful, and the rest of it is not. The message is that you’re going to be high on sexual attraction and love for a short period of time, and after that it tanks. The very word “honeymoon” sets up an expectation that relationships inevitably go downhill.
This expectation of decline may dovetail with seeing your parents not having the soulmate relationship you dream of. Many of us grew up with people who fought a lot, some to the point of splintering the family by getting divorced. Other parents were asleep to each other, seemingly half-dead or on automatic pilot which happens when there’s a lot that’s unspoken. Many people have never witnessed juicy, alive, long-term relationships, so they don’t know it’s possible. I’ve even had people ask me, “Do happy couples exist?”
Emphatically, yes. The higher possibilities were first shown to me years ago when I attended a party in Beverly Glen, an affluent neighborhood in the hills above Los Angeles. I was excited as I walked in because the gathering was for single people pursuing personal and spiritual growth, and as always back then I was searching for my true love and thought I might find him there. Instead of meeting him that night, what I experienced is still inspiring me today. Sitting and glowing with an unearthly radiance were an older couple, surprisingly sexy and hot. I had never seen any two people, let alone any one, so alive and full of energy! It was as if they were in the foreground and everyone else, backstage.
At that time I still believed in the conventional ageism that older people aren’t interested in sex. These two appeared to be on their honeymoon even though they had been together for years. I had to know what they knew and wanted to have what they had, so I went up and introduced myself. They knew secrets for sure – they were tantrikas, people who practice tantra. Seeing and being around their heightened energy was part of what set me out on my own journey of studying tantra and creating my perfect soulmate relationship. I ended up living in their house and learning from them, but that’s for another book
It was enlivening just to be in their presence. That’s what a soulmate relationship can do – bring inspiration and more aliveness to those around them. From meeting this high-frequency couple, I knew sex and relationships could get better with age. Now, my husband and I are that couple.
You have to power to create your relationship to be a honeymoon that lasts, or you can slide into the aftermath that follows the conventional honeymoon. It really depends on what you and your partner want to create. If you want to have a wild, sexual, romantic ride, you can create that. If you don’t mind that the romance and the sexuality decline with age and longevity, you can create that too. It’s completely up to you. There’s not some nebulous thing called a relationship that’s out of your control, that’s going to do what it wants. It’s up to you and your partner.
By the way, how did you create your honeymoon if you had one? Or if you haven’t, how do you imagine you would?
- You spent time planning activities that would delight the both of you
- You allocated money and time to make it fabulous
- You were on your best behavior – kind, humorous, full of praise
- You focused on what was best about your partner — their body, their generosity, their integrity – and left the criticism in the trash where it belongs
- You went out of your way to perform little romantic gestures
- You made the effort to look your best
- You dedicated exclusive time and space to you, your lover, and your love life
If you decide you’re going to create a perpetual honeymoon, these actions might be a good place to start.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Mating: Using Tantric Secrets to Create a Relationship Full of Sex, Love and Romance. Tantric Mating is a companion to her previous book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process named by BookAuthority as one of the Best Dating Books of All Time.
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