30 Jun Soulmates are Created, Romance is Created
Millions sit waiting passively for a love that never arrives. Both men and women lie like Sleeping Beauty, hoping they will be kissed and awakened. We dream of a love that enlivens, raises us to an exalted level of being, just like that portrayed in movies, books, songs, and fairy tales. The magical lover will arrive, the Perfect Beloved, the one with whom we will become complete. Finally.
We’ve been taught to dream and wait, and to focus on exteriors. Previously women, but now men in equal numbers as social media has changed the game, spend anxious hours fretting about their appearance and doing whatever they can to improve it. Previously men, but now women in equal numbers, focus on the money it will take to make themselves love-worthy: clothes, cars, cosmetics, cosmetic procedures. We go to the gym, improve our nutrition, learn sex skills online, adopt attitudes from rap, and engage in hook-ups while we wait.
The beginning of most relationships dangles the promise that the dream romance has finally appeared. Its wonder descends and for a while, from three months to two years, we’re entranced. If we’re lucky enough that our being together lasts that long, often we don’t know how to keep it so we move on, hoping to magically find the dream with someone else. As you know, America’s relationship break-up rate is now well over 50%. That is a lot of heartbreak.
Many of us feel hopeless. I know I certainly felt hopeless before I figured it out. Usually the questions asked are, “Where can I meet men/women? Where is she/he?” We are hoping to be at the right place at the right time where we will meet (without any effort on our part) and mutually fall in love at first sight, what Hollywood terms the “cute meet.” You’ve seen this moment in numerous rom-coms: the future lovers don’t even like each other at first, in fact, they are irritated by each other, but since it was fated and otherworldly all along, they fall in love and live happily ever more.
The problem with these scenarios and the sitting around waiting for love is that love is not passive at all. You’ll never find the love your heart is longing for unless you’re willing to work for it. Love and romance are something we create, and no artist of any art form expects to achieve a masterpiece without putting in the effort, discipline, work, mistakes, and steady improvement it takes to get good at anything. No one arrived one night starring at the Hollywood Bowl by sitting and wishing for it to happen. No one has become successful in their career by waiting for a “cute meet.”
The issue is that if you want the sex, love and romance you’ve always dreamed of, you’re going to have to be the one to create it. It’s not coming from the sky. You’ll have to make it happen. The right question is, “What do I need to be and do to attract and create my perfect love?”
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Mating: Using Tantric Secrets to Create a Relationship Full of Sex, Love and Romance. Tantric Mating is a companion to her previous book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process named by BookAuthority as one of the Best Dating Books of All Time.
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