13 Jan Don’t Rock the Boat, Baby
“Rock the Boat” was the name of a world-wide disco hit back in the 70s. its infectious chorus repeated “rock the boat, don’t rock the boat, baby” over and over. It’s said that every minute of the day that song is playing somewhere in the world. A friend of mine’s uncle wrote it, and apparently, he lived high all his life on the royalties of that one song.
“Don’t rock the boat” is a strategy many couples use as they attempt to navigate their relationship: Don’t talk about that difficult thing! It’ll create more trouble! You’re not supposed to talk about stuff like that. Don’t rock the boat because it will make your partner unhappy. You smile, say nothing’s wrong when it obviously is, and refuse to discuss that thing that’s bugging you.
You may have the best intentions, but all that unspoken communication begins to pile up and create congestion on the high seas. The problems don’t go away, in fact, they multiply because nothing is getting solved. It often shows up in the bedroom as “I’m not in the mood.” Yes, it’s difficult to bring up the topic that our sex life has gotten stale, but do you think your partner hasn’t noticed?
If you or your partner are arguing a lot, or are not speaking in loving language, don’t you think both of you are unhappy? Yes, there are many things you can bring up that are going to make your partner uncomfortable, but that is part of how we grow.
A commonly-used metaphor is that each person in a relationship is wearing a backpack, and everything that doesn’t get discussed is a rock that gets stored back there. Little by little as rocks keep being added with each topic not discussed, the load gets heavier and heavier until one day, one person throws the contents of their backpack out of the table, and all hell breaks loose.
Juicy, alive relationships require having their boat rocked. Unless you want to end up as one of those couples sitting in restaurants not talking to each other, bored with life, you’ll need to share what’s going on with you, getting into complete agreement and honesty, and honesty is sometimes difficult. Part of tantric relating is making agreements with your partner that you will rock the boat. Anything that’s not talked about is going to eventually cause holes in your boat and make it impossible for you to have the rich, juicy sex, love and romance that you want to create.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Relating: Relationship Advice to Find and Keep Sex, Love and Romance. This book is the third title in the Tantric Mastery Series. Check it out!
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