25 May The Process of Clearing
Everything you haven’t talked about is going to show up in the bedroom. It’s going to appear as “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’m not in the mood,” or you wondering why three months have gone by since the two of you made love. When you’re carrying a grudge, even if it’s over something tiny and supposedly insignificant, you don’t feel like getting intimate. And who can blame you?
That’s why it’s important, if you want great relating and a great sex life, to have an agreement not only to talk about everything, but also to clear things as soon as you’re aware there’s an issue. What does that mean? Here’s an example:
You’re taking a morning walk together, and you notice you’re feeling a tad uncomfortable. Instead of ignoring it, you look inside and assess that you’re anxious because your partner said something a bit sharply at breakfast, and you’ve felt a bit miffed ever since. So you ask, “May I bring something up?” They say yes, and you continue, “When you said x this morning, it seemed you had a little edge to your voice. Were you feeling unhappy with me?”
And your partner might reply, “Oh, no, sorry. I was a tired and, I guess, grumpy. I was thinking about something I read in the news that triggered me, sot no, I’m not upset with you. Thanks for asking.”
Right there, you’re not going home all worried that they’re mad at you, or that you said something stupid. You know how the mind can go on and on that maybe what you said ruined things. The monkey mind can create all kinds of scenarios to torture us if we don’t stop in the moment and check things out with the other person.
You may have had previous relationships where the smallest thing would trigger World War III. If we don’t bring issues up, little blips of resentment grow bigger and bigger, and before you know it, someone leaves the refrigerator door open and there’s a huge skirmish that has nothing to do with the fridge. It’s about all the little things that have built up over time. So, if you don’t want that type of relating, you’ll get to the point where you’ll be happy to bring things up, because you don’t want to be carrying them into another part of the day affecting your mood, your level of motivation, lack of emotional comfort, or whether or not you feel secure in your relationship.
Firstly, agree to bring things up to be cleared. Secondly, discuss as soon as possible, but later is better than never, and lastly, talk about whatever is between you until both people feel satisfied. When you clear things in the moment, perfect love is there again. You’re back to that lovely river of energy between you where it’s only love. That’s always the goal, to get back to that pure love, flowing like water.
© 2022 Catherine Auman
This is an excerpt from Catherine Auman’s book, Tantric Relating: Relationship Advice to Find and Keep Sex, Love and Romance. This book is the third title in the Tantric Mastery Series. Check it out!
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