What we are advocating is taking a look at how the conventional view of love actually destroys love, and then making the efforts necessary to turn ourselves into lovers, that is, truly loving people. Making a decision to go against the conventional worldview of daters as consumers deciding which shiny new object to purchase. Choosing against being people whose minds instead of hearts run the show, analyzing who is or is not worthy of love based on a set of prejudices as insidious as racism or religious intolerance.
When we become loving we can approach other people in the dating “market” as people instead of participating in the conventional mindset of some people are trash because they aren’t wearing the right shoes being heavily advertised this year.
In the world today we have a hate problem; and according to the World Health Organization, we have a growing loneliness and isolation problem which is as detrimental to health as smoking and heart disease. There are a lot of single people sitting in their homes feeling hopeless and lonely — they can’t find love in a city of ten million people. It doesn’t make sense. The problem is not that there’s no one out there to love. The problem is that I’m not loving enough to be able to see the abundance of potential lovers.
One way it makes sense is if I work on myself to become a loving person, I’ll have ten million lovers. If there’s ten million persons in the city, I have potentially ten million lovers — that’s kind of sexy, isn’t it?
When we are overflowing with love we love everything. You know those moments you’ve had when you love everything and everyone? Those times often don’t last very long, but through working on yourself you can maintain them for longer and longer periods. Everyone and everything seems right to you — that’s when you are truly a lover.
How much of a loving person am I? That’s really the question.
© 2017 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process