Conventional dating in and of itself encourages us to think there’s something wrong with other people and something wrong with us. Other people don’t look right, and you don’t look right. They’re not lovable, and you’re not lovable. They don’t have the cool moves; you don’t have the cool moves. The conventional mindset encourages us to see other people and ourselves as weird and unattractive and disposable.
The conventional dating process encourages us in feeling I’m not doing it right, I don’t meet the right people, I’m not attractive enough to date. For women it’s “I’m not pretty enough” and for guys it’s “I’m not accomplished enough” continuing the deadly cycle of over-focus on women’s appearance and men’s accomplishments. These myths about who’s lovable and who isn’t actually keep people home and not looking for love because they believe the myth that “I’m not good enough;” “I’m not pretty enough;” “I’m not accomplished enough;” “I’m not hot enough;” it’s endless. It’s all ego stuff that someone’s surface appearance is not to my liking.
Everyone you meet on a date is seen through the frame of whether this is a candidate for the fantasy of perfect love or not. This is very harsh isn’t it? If you’re not a candidate, get rid of you quickly followed by an amusing story for your friends: “God I couldn’t stand being on that date for so long; it was so awful… etc.” This whole conventional mindset is anti-love, whether love for self or others.
From a tantric prospective every single person you meet is the right person in this moment. If you look at the person next to you, in this moment this is your beloved. She or he is your true love, right here, right now. The beloved is not somebody you’re going to meet in the future; it’s not somebody who’s going to ride in on a white horse or be spotted across the dancefloor. Right now, this is where love is available; this is who it is possible to love. Are you available for this love? If we’re always thinking I can’t love this other person because they aren’t good enough for me that’s about you, not the other person. How about: let me enjoy this spiritual other being and even if it’s not the romantic fantasy, we are in this perfect spot together sharing love in this perfect moment.
© 2017 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process