An attitude I came to while hanging out at the Ashram and basking in the tantric atmosphere was we’re all spiritual brothers and sister helping each other grow. I’d never thought of the men I was involved with this way, so it was revolutionary, and I’d never been in an environment where men and women treated each other as such. It was beautiful and loving in stark contrast to conventional dating where everyone considers each other either a candidate for the Perfect Love or the garbage can.
A brother of mine on the planet, a spiritual brother or sister who’s also evolving — I believe that everyone’s evolving even if they don’t use that language. We come together for these romantic and sexual encounters to evolve in a certain way together. We don’t know for how long; we’re not in charge of that part, I don’t think. So it’s been a helpful mindset for me to hold that we’re helping each other grow, rather than cling to a fantasy outcome that might or might be for our higher good.
The fairy tale fantasy is that a man is going to come fully formed as the Perfect Prince, or for guys, that the woman is going to come as this totally voluptuous, always wanting to have sex, always loving person. If the Prince was always ready for sex that would be fine too, but it’s this idea that these perfect lovers are going to come to us fully formed that is the cause of a lot of problems. Who’s fully formed? Only a person who’s not human or who’s stopped growing, so when you meet a real person and they’re not fully formed, it’s a disappointment if you’re immersed in the conventional mindset.
But if you’re holding it that we’re all evolving and growing and we’re spiritual brothers and sisters, you can allow the other person to relax in your tender and warm presence and evolve along with you. As men and women, we both have difficult things to get over on the way to learning to become more loving, and this path of dating, relationships, and sexuality can be one of the roadways to God. It can rapidly accelerate your growth and lead you further along the path to becoming an ultimately loving person.
© 2017 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process