Second, long before you want to have sex, let her know how much you like her body. Start complimenting the day before, the week before, better yet, make it a constant thing. In this culture where advertising and magazines are constantly telling us we are not measuring up, all women are insecure about their attractiveness. You would not believe the gorgeous fashion models I have had in my office who are obsessed that they are not beautiful enough. Make your compliments real and frequent. Work at it.
Third, realize that foreplay starts hours before sex. Spend some quality time giving her your full attention. Talking, cuddling, being physically close without (yet) being sexual, these things help a woman realize she might be in the mood. Mostly, it is about listening to her feelings and thoughts. One of the most aphrodisiac things for a woman to hear is, “Tell me more about that.”
Fourth, focus on what is right with her and the relationship rather than what in your opinion is missing. If she thinks you prefer women who look or act like porn stars she will have trouble opening herself to you. If you are critical of her body, her feelings, or her habits, why should she trust you by becoming more vulnerable? You’ve heard that old saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, right? Tell her what you like even if you need to stretch.
Fifth, you probably won’t get much action if you don’t do your fair share of the household duties. Not helping causes resentment (not a sexy emotion) and women consistently rate this as a primary reason for dissatisfaction in a relationship. If you’re not up to it, neither is she. Spring for a housekeeper and watch her receptiveness increase.
Finally, don’t wait to initiate sex until right before bed. She’ll turn you down because she’s too tired. Go to bed at least a half an hour early. If you’re not ready to fall asleep afterwards, you can always get up to watch the tube or go online.
Good luck. Enjoy learning to seduce your partner. Won’t you feel masterful when she melts like butter in your hands? Not only your relationship but the whole world will benefit from your increased pleasure and contentment.
© 2014 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Shortcuts to Mindfulness: 100 Ways to Personal and Spiritual Growth