For starters at this richly poignant little eatery, my charming companion ordered the house signature cocktail, the Robust Symphony, while I enjoyed a gutsy White Zinfandel with resplendent sulfites. We shared the appetizer of Pork Rinds with Pear Grantinee – personally, I found the disodium guanylate to be a touch on the light side, but it was more than compensated for by a flourish of butylated hydroxyanisole.
Our entrees arrived. My Sesame Battered Chicken came bathed in a gravy whose calcium stearoyl lactylate gave it a sleek texture. I usually prefer methyl ethyl cellulose as a thickening agent, but with this dish, my hat’s off to the chef. My delightful companion chose the Pizza with Buffalo Wings, Carrot, and Bleu Cheese Dip. I felt it could have been enhanced with decanal dimethyl acetal, although my companion found the sodium aluminium silicate piquant and exciting. We shared a side of the Jalapeno Creamed Corn, a chunky, creamy delight, which was ethereal and riveting, and actually edible.
For dessert we split the Bananas Foster on Chocolate Waffle, finding it toothsome and tasty. It was the most delightful Yellow 2G color, exquisitely sweetened with acesulfame potassium and Sucralose. Lesser establishments will substitute neohesperidin dihydrochalcone which often prompts my charming companion to offer me a breath mint.
The complimentary rice pudding brought to mind the great MSG debate, with the public outcry that it causes headaches and other ills. All the fuss could have been simply avoided by substituting monoPOTASSIUM glutamate – a flavor enhancer which anyone with a palate will agree is far superior. A potential similar scandal is brewing today regarding polysorbate 65 – I agree, the 65 is overkill – the 60 is plenty and the difference, although subtle, is distinct.
We finished our sublime and luscious meal with cappuccinos enhanced by polyethylene glycol 8000 – I personally prefer the foam but understand that others may not. The formaldehyde was barely detectible. All and all it was a superb and softly unobtrusive meal, precisely cooked and clearly fragrant. My only wish is that the chef had used more propylparaben so that we could have displayed the leftovers and enjoyed looking at them for years to come.
© 2014 Catherine Auman This article is an excerpt from Catherine’s book Shortcuts to Mindfulness: 100 Ways to Personal and Spiritual Growth