WHAT DO WE MEAN BY “SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIPS?”
“WIFFM” is the primary motivator for many people in their relationships. WIFFM is a marketing term for “What’s In It For Me?” We have been taught to value people for how good they will look on our arm, how close they come to our fantasy of the ideal lover, or how we imagine they will fulfill our desires. It’s about how it all looks, right? Except that when we focus on the outside, nobody is going to be good enough because everyone is flawed. Everybody. This is why we love the tabloids — we get to see seemingly perfect celebrities with their defects hanging out.
One characteristic of a spiritual relationship is that instead of focusing on the other person’s exterior, we focus on the perfection within. Just as we all have not-so-beautiful parts on the outside, we all have a perfect core inside at our center. When we want our relationship to have a spiritual component, we attempt to keep our attention on this perfection within, rather concentrating on what’s outside.
The great Tantra Master Osho once said regarding relationships, “The Other is always right.” I was stunned when I first heard this. Like most people, I had been constantly pointing out when I was right and my partner was wrong, all in the name of “communicating honestly.” In retrospect it was all a thinly disguised power struggle.
I argued with Osho’s statement in my mind, and then decided to see what I could learn from it. As a technique, I recommend it highly. You don’t have to agree with it to experiment. Practice interpreting that the other was right and you were wrong next time you are reviewing a fight or disagreement. The ego spends all its time proving that it is superior. See what happens from the perspective of love.
When you begin this discipline of seeing what is right about the other person rather than what is, according to you, wrong, you may start to experience your partner as your teacher, or guru. Some of the other attributes of spiritual relationships that people have mentioned are placing a high value on listening, integrity, emotional openness, sensitivity, truth, having a raise the bar attitude, and having a passion for learning and growing.
When people’s lives are dedicated to something higher than just getting their own needs met, their relationships will follow suit. This can show up as a dedication to make the world a better place by working for the environment, helping kids, or serving some other higher calling. Your relationship will be dedicated to something more important than merely trying to get your needs met, and this is what we call a spiritual relationship.
© 2008 Catherine Auman
March 27th, 2009 saat: 8:26 pm
I think it is a wonderful prospect of having a spiritual connection with someone. Letting go of the idea that you must be right, have power over someone to secure love, or realizing that I can’t be humbled is hard. But I am humble by the world around me. I hope to someday find the spiritual connections with everyone I touch.
Currently, I have 3 good friends that are spiritual relationships. We discuss how life is hard, but we also talk about the transcendence of suffering. We do this with the idea of looking inside ourselves to focus on the horizon of dreams that can come true – through spirit and the power of feelings.
We can do good for ourselves and others through caring for ourselves and for the people we touch. We are searching and still stopping to notice the beauty in life. I celebrate knowing that we can walk this path together and we also can stumble together. We tell each other that it’s okay to be a little broken inside. We are honest about who we are and we still make an effort to love each other with kindness, non-judgment and understanding. We have compassion because each of us suffers in our own way.
When I look up after falling, I find a kind warm hand has come to help me stand up again! (that hand is hopefully guided by self love).
Namaste!
Maasai